If it's one thing I've learned about most in this pregnancy journey it is about faith. Every twist and turn of this path has been just putting the foot out there and letting God put it where it needs to go. The best part of it all is that He's done all the work for me; I'm simply a follower.
It is most frustrating to be questioned for this decision. I feel for everyone out there with a disability, no matter how severe or visible it is, because in some way and at probably many points in life, you've been questioned. You've been told what you can and can not do. Maybe you've been even given a "time-limit". If it's one thing that has become evident to me through all of this, it is no one has that right.
I can't tell you how many times I've been denied an experience, or been called a liability in a round about way because of my heart condition. Pregnancy was definitely one of those red flags that's been waving since I knew what a menstrual cycle was. (Sorry to be so blunt, but this is called a "frank" rant.) I'll never forget sitting in the cardiologist office being lectured about how finding a man would be a struggle for me because I had to be up front with him about my womanly duties, if you will. "It's a man's dream to have his own kids too, and you need to make sure you tell him your limitations before you decide to marry him." Yep, that's pretty much exact wording. Way to make a girl feel valuable in this world at the age of 18. Sure, he deserves to know me, but let's let him decide whether or not I'm marriage material, and luckily if he thinks I'm not, I don't think he is either. (But that's another rant for another time.)
So what got me here? Fourteen weeks pregnant and feeling incredibly confident considering the circumstances? Well, I'll spare you all the details, but pretty much doctors that didn't make it sound impossible and the biggest being faith. I've had friends who've had the hardest time conceiving and others who have lost babies. I can't tell you how crushing that is to hear, and how incredibly hard to understand those circumstances are. But the fact we got pregnant in less than 2 months of barely trying, and getting through a miscarriage scare tells me that this is definitely God's will for me. He closed the wombs of women in the Bible for less reasons that my situation. He has shown me that my life is more than a limitation and it is in His hands.
We prayed about this decision last spring, pretty much telling God that we were giving it to Him. And boy, did He answer quick. Then He reassured us after all the struggles we endured 6-7 weeks in.
So I guess the point of this little rant on faith is the following:
Please stop questioning our decision to take this route. Yes, I know my risks. Yes, I've heard it my whole life. And yes, we're fine with how it's turning out.
It's not like we're going back, and frankly it's a little late to be voicing all your concerns. So please, just celebrate what God has done in our lives with us. You live once (in this world anyway), and having my own child, as well as adopting, as always been something I've wanted to do. God has put this blessing in our lives. So let's view this little one primarily as a blessing and not a risk.Try faith instead of worry. Something I'm still learning to do everyday.
