God has certainly been good to us. It has been a chaotic, roller coaster the last 3 months, but I am a different, stronger person because of it.
We welcomed our little Lucy on Monday, March 10th. We had met with some friends the night before to learn about the whole childbirth thing and what to expect. (We didn't do the whole childbirth classes thing, mostly because our schedules were so wacky.) That same night, I got up around 1:30 to use the bathroom, and my water broke at 36 weeks and 6 days. So we made our way to Spectrum in GR, as recommended, and arrived in plenty of time.
After waiting all morning and into the early afternoon, they decided a c-section would be in my best interest. So, we got to meet Lucy at 3:45pm, all 5lbs, 13oz and 18 inches of her. I can't even tell you the joy that came into my heart the minute I saw her squinting eyes, looking at me as I lay on the OR table. I swear she grinned at me. When she was born, she didn't really cry, mostly squeaked.
I spent a night in the ICU, where I got to see Lucy a couple times that night, then I would be alone with the lights out the window, looking out into the city. It was all for precaution, but I wished to be with my baby girl. After that first night, we got to move to a normal room where Mark could stay and Lucy could too. We did take advantage of the nursery around 4am, though...
One of our battles was getting Lucy to breastfeed. She was early enough that my milk hadn't quite come in and she couldn't latch with her tiny, little mouth, so I would pump and give her the tiny bit that I got, then supplement with formula. By the end of our week at the hospital, I was able to give her enough of my milk though! I was so happy about that.
It was definitely a week of adjusting. We took Lucy to her first doctor appointment, where she passed with flying colors! We couldn't have had a more healthy baby girl, especially one that was born 3 weeks early. Lucy enjoyed her first St. Patrick's Day, which consisted of a trip to church and wearing a green sleeper.
She also got to go to her first photo-shoot with a friend from church, which was fun!
And of course we took non-stop pictures of her all week long!
I spent the week recovering from my c-section, and little did I know that wouldn't be the last of my recovering and battles.
On Sunday, March 23rd, just over a week of having Lucy home from the hospital, we went to Meijer to get groceries and just get out of the house. I had been on blood pressure meds, so I had been feeling funky. The night before I took a shower to try and get rid of a migraine and felt like I would pass out. I slept it off and felt better though. I wasn't really sure how to feel at this point since I had been through a c-section and spent nights up with Lucy, so I knew I wouldn't feel 100%. But in Meijer, it solidified that something more was wrong.
I walked into the store from the car, while Mark pushed a cart with Lucy in it. I couldn't catch my breath. It was the oddest, and most eerie feeling ever. I can't even explain it. I tried to pass it off as either not exercising in months or a panic attack. I decided to wait in the pharmacy area while Mark grabbed our shopping list. He came back and I attempted to walk back out to the car, feeling better than I had walking in. But again, the same "can't catch my breath" feeling returned. So, next stop was the ER.
Judging by the crazy rate they got me in, I knew I probably looked like crap. I didn't know it at the time, by my O2 saturation was in the 60's (that's 60%, when you're supposed to be upper 90's or 100.) I was covered in wires and tubes in a matter of minutes. I felt better, but something wasn't right. After getting a CT Scan, we learned I had a significant blood clot in my lungs. The ER doc didn't feel comfortable moving forward there due to the size and my previous condition. So, I got a helicopter ride to GR.
I finally began to panic for the first time that whole night. Even when I couldn't breathe in Meijer, I felt like it was nothing. I had the eerie feelings, but not the panic feeling. Now, I was in the panic/what will happen feeling. I must say I enjoyed my ride. The sun was just setting over Lake Michigan, and the snow actually sparkled on the ground below. I felt warm and hopeful, and was reminded of God's love and comfort as I watched the impressive scenery whirling by outside.
We arrived in GR in 30 minutes! I was quite impressed with the timing. From there, I remembered being wheeled through many hallways, with the helicopter guy keeping the mood light the whole time. I was quite grateful for him in those moments. The people God sent to me throughout this whole ordeal was perfect timing for when I needed them. We got to the room, and again, more wires, tubes and poking.
I don't remember too much more from before my surgery except for finding out I'd need surgery, and the terror that I felt. It wasn't just any surgery. There would be opening my sternum (again) and bypass and heart & lung machines. Dr. Haw explained it, and only a few things stuck with me, like those descriptions. By this time, I had Mark, his dad, Seth and Eric there. Again, very grateful to have that support in this critical time. Visitors are great when things settle down, but having core people around you as you endure the unknown is a necessity.
I felt scared, but hopeful, and surprisingly at a certain peace that I knew came straight from heaven. Dr. Haw was so confident, but very careful with his wording. He made us aware that he had never faced a situation quite like mine, but he knew exactly the condition I had and how to work around it. He was quite hopeful and positive, but still made the risk very evident.
Everyone there prayed with me. It was probably one of the hardest prayers I ever contributed to. I kissed my husband and was taken back to surgery.
From there, things are blank. But I woke up. God had decided my work wasn't done. I still had a little girl to raise and work to do. Recovery the few days after were rough. I remember that. I felt like I had been hit by a bus, as every bone, muscle and joint hurt. I spent about 4 days in the ICU, then was transferred to the heart center where I spent the next 2 weeks.
I got to visit Lucy every few days, thanks to the people who brought her to see me, as well as many friends. All were so encouraging to my healing process. Along the way, I learned just how incredibly lucky and blessed I was. They had pulled a 7 inch clot out of my lungs... 7 inches!!!! Plus, my condition had actually been a blessing, as I has larger blood vessels that allowed blood flow to continue around the clot. I shouldn't have made it through this, yet God wanted me to. He had the best doctors there, and His hand was what brought me though.
This was how I watched the sunrise each morning, as it reflected off the children's hospital each morning.
Visiting Lucy was so great, but every time she had to leave, it broke me.
This story goes on further, and it continues even today, but hopefully it will be in book format someday, and told in a more creative way. The bottom line is that God worked in my life in incredible ways, and I want to tell the world about the miracles He still does and be a light for Him through all of this.
The reason I call this "Easy Faith" is because it can be so easy to seek God's face when things are at their lowest. When all the cards are stacked against us and when we have no where to look, but up. However, when we remember these incredible things God does for us, then apply that faith in the times that are awesome and great in life, we have faith indeed. Let this inspire you to always look to Him alone.
